Emotionally Intelligent Feedback

From The ‘F’ Word… to the ‘E’ Word

It has been shown that, along with a lack of skills and a lack of performance expectations, a lack of feedback is one of the biggest barriers to effective work performance (Lapid-Bogda, 2004).

This makes perfect sense doesn’t it?

To improve performance we all need an accurate reflection of our strengths (so that we can build on these) and our areas of needed improvement (so that we will know what to change).  If accurate and effective feedback is so important to individual and organizational success, why are so many employees and managers often unenthusiastic about the feedback process?

Surely if we can share information that will enhance performance and workplace relations we should relish the opportunity to give and receive feedback!

The truth is that feedback, especially around performance and organizational functioning, is an emotion-filled endeavour that, if done badly, can lead to conflict, disengagement and defensiveness. At play in the interface between feedback giver and feedback receiver is a complex set of personality style factors that can become a barrier to the feedback conversation and ultimately to the change process.

But knowledge and understanding of these very same personality style factors can greatly enhance the ‘emotion management’ and effectiveness of the feedback loop. What is required is an emotionally intelligent feedback process based on a sound assessment and understanding of employee personality style.

The Need for Emotionally Intelligent Feedback – Joe and Sarah

Joe walks into his line manager Sarah’s office to discuss the recent review of his performance in the accounts department. Sarah is already nervous because Joe does not respond well to any kind of criticism or negative feedback from superiors. He tends to kick against authority and often distrusts his colleagues’ motives. Sarah doesn’t enjoy conflict and tense conversations and just wants to get it over and done with.

As Joe sits down his arms are folded, his eyes are darting nervously around the room, and in Sarah’s gut she can sense that this is not going to be an amiable conversation. Still she tries her best to be tactful and constructive in the way she describes some of the concerns raised about Joe’s recent standard of work and punctuality:

Sarah: “Joe, thank you for coming in this morning. As you know we conducted a 360 performance review in the accounts department last month, which has raised certain concerns about some individuals’ work. I’m sorry but would you be ok if we talk about a few things…um… in your situation that… um I’d like to look together at some issues that some of your colleagues have said you may need to work on…

However before Sarah can finish, Joe has leaned back in his chair and mumbles something under his breath while looking out the window.

Joe: “I know exactly where this is coming from. The person who complained has got something major against me and she’s the one who needs to work on her issues. What is her problem with me? If this is about what happened with the building project then I can tell you exactly what happened. And it wasn’t my fault!”

Sarah feels the tension rise in her shoulders and she’s tempted to greatly minimize the problems raised about Joe’s performance to avoid a big blow up. Somehow she has to get through this.

How is she going to make this feedback conversation end well!?

Feedback and why it requires Emotional Intelligence?

Before we help Sarah manage Joe’s feedback more constructively let’s define what feedback actually consists of. Feedback can be defined as the direct, objective, simple, and respectful observations that one person makes about another person’s behaviour (Lapid-Bogda, 2004).

That definition in itself reveals why feedback is a skill that must be practiced and developed. We need a good level of emotional intelligence to manage the interpersonal and intrapersonal dynamics that can make direct, objective, simple and respectful observations tricky.

Nevertheless, emotionally intelligent feedback skills are within the reach of anybody who is willing to expand their usual ways of perceiving and communicating to consider how their own and others personality styles affect the feedback conversation.

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