Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
A good starting point to developing emotionally intelligent feedback skills is a feedback formula to guide the general process of giving feedback. Within the structure of this formula we can then begin to consider how the specific personality styles of people influence how feedback should be given in order to maximize its effectiveness.
The Emotionally Intelligent Feedback Formula (Adapted from Lapid-Bogda 2004)
The emotionally intelligent feedback formula consists of three components:
- Describe the observable behaviour: Present a factual description of the person’s observable behaviour – including concrete examples that the person can concur with. Returning to Joe and Sarah…
Sarah: Joe, I’d like to spend some time on discussing two issues. The one is punctuality and the other is accuracy. Can we start with punctuality?
Joe: Ok, what’s the problem?
Sarah: Over the past two weeks, according to the time sheet, you have reported 20 to 30 minutes late for work five times. Is this an accurate statement?
Joe: Yes, but I’ve had car problems!
- Describe the impact of the behaviour: Tell the person why this information is important to him or her, to the organization and to you.
Sarah: The regularity of your late arrival at work has created an impression amongst your colleagues that you are not reliable and motivated. This may not be true but it is causing some negative vibes in the office towards you. Have you noticed this?
Joe: Yes, people are really out to get me in that damn office!
Sarah: Furthermore, the team cannot perform at their peak when you aren’t available for the early morning meeting where the day’s tasks are outlined. I’m also concerned about your own productivity and work satisfaction when you don’t get the day off to a good start.
- Suggest and discuss the preferred behaviour: Provide suggestions for alternative actions and enlist the person in coming up with strategies for change they may not have considered.
Sarah: It would greatly improve the team atmosphere if you could arrive at work on time. I understand that you have had car trouble and I could help you with the number for a good mechanic. Are there other things that are making you late that could be addressed? How can I be of assistance?
The feedback formula provides the outline for managing many of the emotions and uncertainties inherent to a typical feedback conversation. However, we also need more in-depth guidance and awareness of the personality factors that can derail or enhance the feedback loop.
Emotionally Intelligent Feedback with the Enneagram
Consider again the first interaction between Joe and Sarah. Sarah didn’t have any real resources to draw from in preparing herself for the feedback conversation with Joe. She knew he tended to get defensive and reactive to criticism from superiors, but didn’t know how to deal with it. She knew she struggled with conflict, but seemed to have no real insight into why this was the case or how to manage this fear.
The Enneagram is a powerful personality profiling system that reveals the motivation behind the behavioural, cognitive and emotional patterns of individuals. Importantly, the Enneagram forms an invaluable resource for understanding the different ways in which employees respond to the feedback conversation.
Having access to this kind of knowledge can greatly enrich and enhance the way feedback is tailored to specific personality styles.
Enneagram EQ Resources for Sarah
With the help of the Enneagram Sarah would’ve known that Joe’s personality style-based behaviour was actually motivated by fear and a sense of deep uncertainty about the support and loyalty of authority figures. Joe’s is a Style Six on the Enneagram (the Enneagram consists of Nine Core Styles) which means that he tends to overreact to negative feedback with an habitual mental pattern of anticipating the worst possible outcome before it has happened. This results in Joe reading the worst into relatively neutral statements. If Sarah had known this she could have given early reassurance about the magnitude of the problem, while pointing to possible positive outcomes from the feedback conversation. She could’ve reassured him about her support of him, while affirming his concerns and worries about the team’s support.
Page 2 of 3 | Previous page | Next page